Monday, June 11, 2012

The Lost Years

This time of year I always find myself thinking back over my younger days.  I have TONS of stuff that I wish I had done differently.  There were so many things that I cried about and got mad about that were so unnecessary.  I hated school.  I had friends and wasn't picked on at all, I still hated it.  I almost didn't graduate with my class and I had no plans for what I would do after I graduated.  I wanted to sleep, that was my plan.  I had a boyfriend that went away to college and I was so sad when he left.  I wanted to be with him forever....ummm, we didn't even stay together until Thanksgiving break.  I thought he was a jerk because he basically had a life and I wasn't part of it anymore.  It was my fault though.  I needed goals and direction but I had none.  I spent the next five years wandering.  (Mostly figuratively but there was also some literal wandering too.)  FIVE YEARS!!  It makes me sad.  I wish I could have a long conversation with that girl, help her find some direction.  I met my amazing husband on May 27, 2000.  Almost exactly five years after I graduated high school.  He helped me find direction and he helped me feel loved.  I had never felt loved before by anyone, ever.  Not because no one did but because I wouldn't allow it.  For some reason he stuck around through the crazy.  He could see the other side when I didn't even know there was another side.  The fact that the years that I lost in between high school graduation and meeting my husband happens to be exactly the same amount of time it would have taken me to get a degree and probably find a job is not lost on me.  Those will always be "The Lost Years" for me.  If it was a movie it could be a hysterically funny comedy or a heart-wrenching drama depending on how it was spun.  If it was a book it would be a "choose your own adventure" because that is how I was making decisions at that time.  I took the long way around but I still got to my destination.  Maybe that's all that really matters? 

Just for the record, it will be 12 years in August and it has never been better.