Monday, June 11, 2012

The Lost Years

This time of year I always find myself thinking back over my younger days.  I have TONS of stuff that I wish I had done differently.  There were so many things that I cried about and got mad about that were so unnecessary.  I hated school.  I had friends and wasn't picked on at all, I still hated it.  I almost didn't graduate with my class and I had no plans for what I would do after I graduated.  I wanted to sleep, that was my plan.  I had a boyfriend that went away to college and I was so sad when he left.  I wanted to be with him forever....ummm, we didn't even stay together until Thanksgiving break.  I thought he was a jerk because he basically had a life and I wasn't part of it anymore.  It was my fault though.  I needed goals and direction but I had none.  I spent the next five years wandering.  (Mostly figuratively but there was also some literal wandering too.)  FIVE YEARS!!  It makes me sad.  I wish I could have a long conversation with that girl, help her find some direction.  I met my amazing husband on May 27, 2000.  Almost exactly five years after I graduated high school.  He helped me find direction and he helped me feel loved.  I had never felt loved before by anyone, ever.  Not because no one did but because I wouldn't allow it.  For some reason he stuck around through the crazy.  He could see the other side when I didn't even know there was another side.  The fact that the years that I lost in between high school graduation and meeting my husband happens to be exactly the same amount of time it would have taken me to get a degree and probably find a job is not lost on me.  Those will always be "The Lost Years" for me.  If it was a movie it could be a hysterically funny comedy or a heart-wrenching drama depending on how it was spun.  If it was a book it would be a "choose your own adventure" because that is how I was making decisions at that time.  I took the long way around but I still got to my destination.  Maybe that's all that really matters? 

Just for the record, it will be 12 years in August and it has never been better.


  1. I liked your journey with this post. It was probably what most get in 5 years of college. Most people don't stay with what they got there degree in anyway....they learn from the experience and go on to their real life's purpose. That is where your at now. I want to ask you what you would have said to that lost,sad girl...I saw her, but I didn't know how to get through. What can we give girls today...say to them, show them. I often wonder ? Is letting them know you see them, like them, care about them, listen to them even a drop in the bucket? Just rambling....what do you think?????

  2. Dawn, you were learning during those years no matter how you did it. I was very goal oriented and did graduate and got a job and stayed incredibly focused for like 40 years. Now I'm having to back up and learn probably what you learned in those five years. So I promise I won't regret the path I took if you don't regret the path you took, deal??

  3. Lynette, I'm not sure there's much that can be done besides giving them the tools to make the right choices and listening.

    Rody, we can't go back so we might as well let it go, right?

    Thanks for commenting ladies, I love comments!

  4. Girl, there wasn't another way. We all end up taking the path intended for us. There is a reason. I believe you have already discovered part of that reason, but I also believe there is more to come. You learned some pretty profound things, and I wouldn't ever call that wasted time. What you have is a gift. Use it!

  5. Dawn, I just discovered your blog (through a windy path of looking for a cookie recipe, kind of odd) and wanted to connect. I've been struggling with clinical depression since I was a teenager, treating it since my mid-20s (I think). The challenge continues to be what part of that inability to just DO something (make a sandwich, for instance) is the depression, what is just laziness - and does it really make a difference?

    I will tell you something that you can bank on: once you get to be in your 40's, life gets easier. Really. Kids are older, you're wiser about who you really are, and have less unrealistic expectations for yourself. And I say this as someone who was going through a divorce in my early 40's so there must be something to it! I'm now 53, content with myself and my life (except when I'm not) and know that I'm going to be ok. The depression is still there - I will be on meds for the rest of my life, but it is something about me, not who I am in total.

    Hang in there: truly, truly, it gets easier. Kiss those babies for me. :-)

  6. Thank you for the encouragement. I'm glad you found my blog and I hope you will visit again and comment. I would love to hear more of your story.